“And my kids, they don’t help either...” | Rodney Dangerfield

“What a doctor. I called him last week. I told him, ‘Doc, I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.’ He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.” | Rodney Dangerfield

“With my wife, I got no sex life. The dog keeps watching me in the bedroom, wants to learn how to beg.” Think you have what it takes to riff with Rodney’s good friend, Jay Leno? Submit your best dog joke to the You Bet Your Life with Jay Leno Smart Dog Contest for your chance to take home $1000! Visit https://youbetyourlife.com/smartdog to enter. | Rodney Dangerfield

“I never got no respect when I was younger. No respect at all. The first time I had a date with a girl, while she was out with me, she introduced me to some guy she knew. She said, ‘Steve, this is Rodney. Rodney, this is goodbye.’” | Rodney Dangerfield

“That’s another beauty, my family doctor. He told me I need exercise and the right climate. Then he told me to run to Arizona.” | Rodney Dangerfield

Dean Martin tells one of his favorite jokes of Rodney’s: “I worked one place that was so tough, one night the boss told me, ‘Kid, you want to go hunting?’ I said, ‘OK I’m game,’ and he shot me!” | Rodney Dangerfield